I am going to begin this post by stating this is a rather random mood post. I'm just going to type whatever that is flowing through my mind


So what had become of us? Well, as usual, everything just went back to normal.

Things are taking a turn. That's for sure.

Chinese New Year was like fine.

Valentine's Day was like average.

I just like those days because I get to put make up, make up and more make up!

Tell me, which girl doesn't want to be pretty?! Ha!

Obviously there is always a downturn in every situation.

My nails broke. Well, most of them. I'M SO UPSET.

I'm having a freaking hard time to punch in the letters on my phone!!

I'm sick again. As usual. High and low fever due to just beer. PATHETIC beer. I'm having a phobia of alcohol now. It's so unlike me. I'm mutating to become a 100% pure bookworm.

Imagine me crawling through books with holes and that ever famous glasses.

I prefer to be a red worm. Maybe like an earthworm.

Put everything together...

WOW. It's disgusting to think about it. ha!


I'm sick of work. It's like never ending. I guess I'm just not efficient enough.


Alright, I guess I should head back to work now.


f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5 f5!!!!

Is he still the one whom I think he was initially? I don't know anymore.

The end?

Today, I must say, is a fateful day. Things are happening in a weird order.

Work's totally smooth sailing now, as the days continued with me just being concerned over my own duties. My mum is finally talking to me ( or not ) as I went to evening mass yesterday with the whole family.

Something, on the other hand, is starting to crank up. My life where the roses were supposed to be sweet and where the honey flows.

Things started just as simple as a question regarding the activities for valentine's day.

He said prawning but I reckoned that it ain't romantic at all. After all, V day is for the romantics and the loves who are willing to receive the romance.

Out of curiosity, I asked him what's the most romantic thing he did with his ex gf. Dining in a hotel and carrying almost 50 heart shapes balloons walking down the street of town.

Wow. Amazing. I don't need those type of treatments anyway. However, I sulked. I'm upset why am I not the lucky one. I'm upset why are all our special occasions managed to pass by without any special remembrance to it.

I just felt unlucky and I needed him to know that. He fell into a moment of silence and started asking what do I actually want from him.

Well, I don't need money nor 24/7 attention. I just want a day ( or moment ) to just settle down in a stone / wood chair/ bench either on the beach or in a park, where both of us just have a nice drink from 7-11 and chatting about our daily lives.

I know maybe I am hostile or rude at times, but I guess he just received it in a misunderstood manner.

Things lead to him sending me home and arguing under my block.
He started yelling.
I can't take it.
I screamed.
I cried.
I wanted to go home.

With a forceful push, there I was, feeling all lonely and helpless, on the floor.

I was astonished at the fact that he actually used physical abuse to counter my behaviors.

He started yelling again.
I was angry.
I hated him.
I just wanted to go home.

After a moment of thinking, I decided to just walk to the lift and go up home.

He stopped, standing in between the doors, not allowing the doors to shut me up.

He started asking why.
Why do I want to end things.
Why am I always so full of myself.
Why Why Why.

I got frustrated, I yelled back saying I need to go home and he left.

Thinking back, I am wondering, am I a rotten apple which the society could easily gotten rid of?
I guess so.
I ain't that great as I thought I am.
I was the bad guy.

Till this moment, I still wonder why.
And most importantly, whether is he safe.
But, I guess some things are just still meant to kept in the heart unspoken.

February

Chinese New Year is fast approaching. Streets are already blasting their songs of good cheers and wishes. However, the music on my side is still monotonous.

Wishes of joy and luck were never my thing. It doesn't serve its purpose as it should be. In fact, I reckon that being practical is more of a good solution to any unforeseen problems.

If one were to get hired just because they worked in the zoo before ( thinking that they are fun and crazy ) and yet be demoted due to the fact that they can't fulfill the expectations the bosses had of a fun and crazy person, I feel that it is quite unjust.

But then again, life is always full of ups and downs. Just like a roller coaster. Though I still prefer the twists and turns rather than the ups and downs in the roller coaster ride.

Corn is doing a good job in keeping his promise. He is finally putting some bread on the table and being understanding when the need arises. He is happily working and ( hopefully ) stay on with the job.

Man is my tummy giving me problems tonight.

Guess I shall run to the loo then!

Ciao ciao!